Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
