rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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