Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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