I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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