Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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