i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
