Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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