I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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