I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
