Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
