i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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