making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
