now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
