If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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