he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
