counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
