i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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