your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
