His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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