I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
