the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
