you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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