Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize