when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Plan B is the new Plan A
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
