If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
