Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
