There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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