Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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