Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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