it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
