Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
