i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
