My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
