Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
