I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
