we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
