Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
