You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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