Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize