You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
