hotel room ftw
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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