Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize