It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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