at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
