My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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