you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
