would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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