you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
