You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
50% drunk capacity currently
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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