Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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