i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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