Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
