You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
