Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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