that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Those nachos came to me in a dream
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
