I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
