i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
