I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
