Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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