As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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