the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
