seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
