Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
