you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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