so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
