I can text with my tongue
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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