A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
