Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
