considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
