i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
