And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
