ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
