I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
