I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
