Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
